Musk-Trump CASH application
A fictional form, barely a parody
Application for Cabinet, Ambassadorial, Staff, and Hacker (CASH) Positions.
Part 1.
Please answer the following questions truthfully with a yes or a no.
1. I have been paid by an entity close to the Russian government or by a Russian company.
2. I have been paid by an entity close to the Chinese government or by a Chinese company.
3. I have been convicted of a crime in the United States.
4. I have been credibly accused of sexual violence.
5. I have authored or shared racist or Nazi material on social media.
6. I have hacked and leaked sensitive data to which I have no legal right.
7. I took part in or supported an attempt to overthrow the constititional order.
8. I regularly praise a South African oligarch.
9. I have acted to ensure that billionaires should hold power and pay no taxes.
10. I propose the use of national police or armed forces against Americans.
Please award yourself ten points for each affirmative (yes) answer.
If you scored zero, please consider subjecting yourself to social media abuse on the appropriate regime platform for your naive belief in law, your laughable concern for justice, and your outdated love of country. You need not complete part 2.
If you scored fifty or above, please begin at once to behave as if you already held high-level federal employment. Report unannounced to the department of your choice. Musk-Trump will support you as necessary, and usher you through the confirmation process as appropriate. You need not complete part 2.
If your score was between 10 and 40, inclusive, please continue to part 2 of the application.
Part 2.
Essay.
Please explain, in fifty words or less, how you could personally contribute to an ongoing messaging campaign that presents the president, rather than a South African oligarch, as holding power. Answers that are copied from others or written by AI will be favorably considered. Do not, however, plagiarize from the current approach, which is the daily generation of international crisis by the president.
Nota bene. You are forbidden from distributing this official regime document. High scores are of course celebrated within Musk-Trump, and will one day figure on plaques on former government buildings that have been sold or given to foreign powers. The publication of this form at present might, however, encourage journalists or the general public to calculate the scores of CASH appointees. For the time being, unofficial rankings of CASH appointees by citizens or by the Enemy of the People Failing Fake News Press are undesirable.
"Among the more disturbing conclusions she [Hannah Arendt] reached were those about Eichmann himself: “Despite all the efforts of the prosecution, everybody could see that this man was not a ‘monster,’ but it was difficult indeed not to suspect that he was a clown.” He was not the incarnation of evil, she wrote; he was “thoughtless,” unable to reflect on the fact that what he was doing was wrong. “The longer one listened to him, the more obvious it became that his inability to speak [in anything but clichés] was closely connected with an inability to think, namely, to think from the standpoint of somebody else.” https://www.neh.gov/humanities/2014/marchapril/feature/the-trial-hannah-arendt "It cannot be forgotten in any discussion of Adolf Eichmann’s criminality that he relied on a staff of dedicated Nazis in the Reich Security Main Office (RSHA), the center of the Third Reich’s terror apparatus, to carry out the monstrous directives of Heinrich Himmler, Reinhard Heydrich, Ernst Kaltenbrunner, and Heinrich Müller. Overshadowed by Eichmann himself, most of these men have escaped the attention of the American public. They include Theodor Dannecker (1913-1945), Dieter Wisliceny (1911-1948), Franz Novak (1913-1983), Rolf Günther (1913-1945), and Alois Brunner (1912- c. 2010). Slightly younger than Eichmann—none of them had reached the age of 35 when World War II ended—they exhibited a terrifying combination of attention to detail and steadfast commitment to the core ideas of Nazism." https://www.nationalww2museum.org/war/articles/organizing-genocide-theodor-dannecker-eichmanns-deportation-specialist I wonder whether Musk's young employees have any ideological commitment at all. In campaigning for causes and candidates, I have encountered something it is hard for me to put a word on. Perhaps a frivolous nihilism. In this case, perhaps opportunists at the center of power romanticizing themselves as rebels.
It's just me, I know, but I'm past the point of finding anything even slightly amusing about the US and its government. For this Canadian, it could be the threat of annexation or economic ruin by Trump that killed my sense of humour. You guys carry on being you.