Hate thy Neighbor as Thyself

The Gospel of JD

The parable of the Good Samaritan, from to the Gospel of Luke (10:25-37):

And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, Master (Jesus), what shall I do to inherit eternal life?

He (Jesus) said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou? And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself.

And he said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.

But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbor?

And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead. And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side. But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him. And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him. And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.

Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbor unto him that fell among the thieves? And he said, He that shewed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.

A discussion among Christians with law degrees, after the Gospel of Luke.

And, behold, a certain law school professor stood up, and addressed him, saying, what must we do to inherit eternal life on social media?

And JD said unto him, What is written in the algorithmus? how readest thou? And the professor answering said, Thou shalt love all-wise Trump with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and hate thy neighbor as thyself.

And JD said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, be without mercy, spread thy self-hatred by hating thy neighbors, and thou shalt live forever amongst the musky bots, even as a meme after your earthly death.

But the professor said unto JD, what about irl? And who is a neighbor?

And JD answering said, A certain woman went down to Minneapolis, and fell among masked men, which struck her down, and threatened her. And a certain Nurse, as he journeyed, came where she was: and when he saw her, he had compassion on her, and went to her, and stood between her and the masked men, and protected her life. And then the masked men put him to death, and fled. And then I bore false witness against him, and said that the Nurse was an assassin.

Which now of these, asked JD, was neighbor unto her? And the professor said, the Nurse who was slain by the masked men, and cursed by thee. Then said JD unto him, Go, slay, and curse.

(I have travestied the beautiful work of the translator of Luke in the King James Bible. This text does however convey the understanding the parable provided by the vice-president. In related news, Peter Thiel, Vance’s patron, senses the presence of the anti-Christ.)